


Honest

by louisfluffybum



Category: One Direction
Genre: Lies, Love, larry - Freeform, onedirection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-20 20:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4801742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisfluffybum/pseuds/louisfluffybum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Harry is dying and he tells Louis and Louis falls apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hola everyone this is my first fic on AO3 and someone on Twitter wanted this to be a book so here I am. Hope you all like it.

3 months after he found out

"Are we going to go get Papa some flowers today." Macy ask looking out the side of the window. "Yeah we are going to get his favorite this time." Louis says looking at his daughter through the review mirror. "The white roses Papa always liked those." She says with a smile. All Louis could do was nod his head and drive down the road to the flower shop. 

9 Months before he found out.

"Shane get down here please we are leaving in 10 minutes lets go." Louis shouts from the bottom of the stair case. "Dad I can't find my tie." He shouts running down the stairs only to find Louis standing there with his tie in his hand. Shane mumbles a quick thanks before collecting his book bag. "Grayson come on turn off the tv so we can go to school." Louis says as he ties his tie. "Where's Papa?" Grayson ask rubbing his sleepy eyes. Louis doesn't miss a beat and quickly tells him that he had to go into work early. "Macy are you ready love." Louis ask picking up his little girl. She shakes her head and rest her head on his shoulders. 

He gathers the kids and gets them all in the car. Dropping them all of at school before he heads back home to get ready for work. He teaches drama at the college and has about 2 hours before he has to be there. He decides to get dress and head over to Harrys bakery to see if he's there. He walks in and the smell of sweets fill his nose. "Lou long time no see." Karen says from behind the counter. "Yeah I know sorry about that been quite busy with the kids and such." Louis says looking down at the floor. "It's okay." She says quickly. He smiles up at her fixing his face before she could really tell something is wrong. "Have you seen Harry?" He ask stuffing his hands in his pockets. Karen looks up and panic fills her eyes for a second but that quickly changes. "No he said yesterday that he would be out today. Hasn't really been in the shop a lot lately. Everything's okay with you two." She ask. Louis quickly responds but not to quickly. "Yeah everything's fine he must have went to the store or out to lunch with a friend. I'm sure he'll call or something." Louis says his breath getting caught in his throat a little. "I'll see you around and I'll be sure to bring the kids around." He tells her with a smile. She just nods her head and says her goodbyes. 

Harry didn't come home that night. 

Harry called the next day and said he went to go visit his mom. He FaceTimed with the kids and told them he would be home soon. Asked them about their days and how school was going. Not once did he speak to Louis other than to ask for the kids and to tell him he would be back soon.

Harry came back when Louis was upstairs sitting in the bed with one of Harry's old jackets wrapped around his body. He remembers the day that Harry gave it to him. It was fall and it was just starting to get cold and they were walking home from the coffee shop. Louis was freezing and his teeth were chattering and Harry basically forced it on Lou. Harry also walked Louis to the door and kissed him like nothing else mattered. That was also the first night that Harry said I loved you. That was the night Louis knew that he was his forever.

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Harrys been home for about two days now. Harry hasn't mumbled but a few words to Louis. Each time the silence filled the room Louis heart sank. 

When Louis gets home. He see Harry on the couch with Macy in his arms as they watch tv. Shane is sitting on the other couch with his iPad in his hand and Grayson is running around like the crazy child he is. 

For a moment Louis almost forgets he almost forgets how Harry doesn't come home anymore he almost forgets that they don't say I love you anymore. He almost forgets that the kids keep asking about Papa. 

He almost does but almost isn't good enough.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It's night three of Harry being back. Louis just got out of the shower and Harry is brushing his teeth. He wraps the towel around himself and looks in mirror. He looks over at Harry and he almost wants to ask if Harry still loves him but he doesn't. He just grabs his tooth brush and does his nightly routine. He walks to the closet and pulls out boxers and a t-shirt. He slips it on when the smell of Harry consumes him. He wants to take it off but he doesn't. He just walks to the bed with his head hung low and gets on his side of the bed. He doesn't even remember him having a side they always just laid on each other and would spend hours just like that laying down and talking. Louis turns the lamp off and buries his head in the pillow. It's been about 20 minutes and the bed hasn't dipped down yet all he hears is the opening of the bedroom door and the silent shut of it. His heart stops for a moment and tears fall down his eyes.

He cried himself to sleep that night. It would only be the first of many. 

He wakes up to Macy jumping on the bed to wake him up. "Daddy wake up Papa made waffles and eggs and bacon and he even has strawberries. Wake up wake up wake up." She screams giggles fill the air while she jumps up and down. "I'm up princess, I'm up." He says giving her a lazy smile. "Daddy are you okay you look sad." Macy ask bringing her jumping to a holt. She sits down beside him and pushes the hair out of his face. Louis want to cry so bad but he holds it together. "I'm fine princess I'm fine. Just sleepy that's all." He says kissing her cheek. He picks her up and carries her downstairs. He finds Sunday breakfast on the table. Sunday breakfast was always big. Even when Harry and Louis owned a one bedroom apartment and had a kitchen the size of a bathroom. Harry always made Sunday breakfast big. 

They all sit at their normal spot at the table everyone eating. Grayson's talking with his mouthful and rambling about how next week he gets to keep the turtle cause it was his turn and how he's so excited. He kept talking and telling Harry all of the stuff that he's missed. Like how he got an B on his spelling test only because he forgot that pizza has two z instead of one. That's when Shane started to tease him about forgetting the other z in pizza. Shane told Harry about how his first baseball game was this Friday and asked if he would be there to watch him play. Shane didn't catch the hesitation in his voice but Louis did. Louis knew he wouldn't be there and he knew he would have to make up some lie to tell Shane. 

After breakfast finished Shane went ousted to play baseball with the neighbors and Grayson passed out on the couch with his mouth wide open and his little belly sticking out of his shirt. Louis just shakes his head at his son because he doesn't know what he's going to do with him. He's a mess but he loves him and he wouldn't have it any other way. Macy plays with her dolls in the living room. Harry is left with Louis and Louis is left with silence. 

"Do you wanna tell him you won't be there or shall I." Louis say through gritted teeth. "I'll try to come if not he will understand." Harry says as if it just some little thing. Louis scuffs and shakes his head. "I said I will try to come. What's the problem?" Harry shouts raising his voice. "Do not yell at me while they are in the other room. Don't do it. You know what the problem is? The problem is that you have barely been around and everyday......."  
"Papa come play with me." Macy says running into the kitchen. Harry happily picks her up and walks into the living room. Now he's left with a mess. 

A mess he'll always have to pick up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading this book guys. I will try to update a lot more. Also this will be kinda short chapter. These first two chapters were just to show you how things are between Harry and Louis. It's going to start skipping around and flashbacks will happen. I'm excited for what's in store. 
> 
> Also please go follow on Twitter @louisfluffybum.

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It's Thursday night and Harrys on the phone with Shane. He can hear how the conversation is going from just outside of Shane's room. Shane walks out of the room looks up at his dad. Tears are in his eyes. It breaks Louis heart. He just opens his arms and Shane falls into them. "He said he couldn't make." Shane sobs. "It'll be okay I'm sure he has a good reason and you will have lots of other games." He tells him. Shane just sobs harder. Shane's got Harrys big heart because he does he knows that his heart is breaking but he knows he'll be alright.

Shane ends up sleeping with Louis that night and so does Macy and Grayson. Louis wakes up before the kids do and slips out of bed. He grabs his phone and before he slips out and he looks back at his kids and smiles. Somehow he knows everything might just turn out alright. He walks downstairs to start breakfast. He looks at the messages that pop up on his phone. It's a one message from Harry saying that he's staying with his mum until Saturday night. Louis just sighs because he doesn't have the energy to be angry. He starts to make waffles when he hears footsteps coming down the stairs. Macy comes in first with a smile like always and Grayson is still asleep. He almost laughs at him but he holds it in. Shane comes behind him almost tripping over his feet. Lou just snickers. "Dad what are we having." Macy ask tugging on his shirt. "Waffles" he says picking her up and placing her on the counter. Her eyes get big and she can't help but smile up at him. He kisses her cheek. "Dad can you put chocolate chip in like last time." Gray ask hugging him from behind. "Pretty please." Macy adds. "Look you got two bags last time we went to the store." Shane says sliding the bags down the counter. "So you can't say no." Shane says giving him that smirk that he uses so well. Lou smiles at the 6 big eyes staring back at him. He gives in and cheers erupt. After breakfast they all go get ready for school. Lou has an early class so he gets ready he walks into his room and closes the door. A tear falls down his face and he can't help but cry but he does and he cries hard. The kind of cry that makes your body shake and your head hurt. He misses him he misses him so much. He misses the way Harry would leave kisses on his body in the morning. He misses his smile and his eyes. Most of all he misses his arms and the way they would hold him, and the way they would make him feel safe. He misses him so much it hurts. He collects himself and goes to get dressed he walks downstairs to find his kids sitting on the couch. "Hey daddy?" Gray ask. "Yeah buddy." He says holding his breath. "Where's Papa?" His heart clenches in his chest but he answers quickly before he has time to process what he feels like. "At Nanns." He responds. "Oh okay." Gray says and goes back to the tv. He tells the kids to meet him in the car and he calls Harry but it goes straight to voicemail. He takes the nearest glass plate and throws it at the wall screaming while tears roll down his face. "Fuck you." He screams at Harry as if he's there but he's not and he's left to pick up the pieces again. He wipes his face and takes a deep breath. He locks up the house and goes out to the car. He drives the kids to school. He drives to work luckily he only has three classes today so he able to to go home and clean up his mess before he has to pick up the kids. He gets home to see Harrys car parked in the driveway.

He almost drives away but he doesn't. He unlocks the front door. He gets in and hears Harry in the kitchen singing. He remembers how he would come home from work some days and Harry would be belting out The Beatles or Bon Iver. He can see how things use to be before things got bad. In fact he doesn't even know how they got bad Harry just became distant and thats it that's all he remembers. He walks into the kitchen and see Harry picking up his mess.  
"I was going to get that." Louis says just above a whisper. "Oh it's okay I got it." Harry says not turning his back. Louis just turns away and goes upstairs to change he locks his bedroom door. When did it become his why is it now just his why isn't it theirs. How did it become his. How did anything become his now the bed the bathroom the bloody closet. The fucking closet barely has Harrys cloths in it anymore. He just stands in the middle of his room wondering how did it all become his. How did it all go wrong.

He walks down stairs to see Harry on the couch flipping through the channels. "Can I pick the kids up today?" Harry ask not turning his attention away from the tv. Louis's mouth moves before his brain can work and he blurts. "Since when did you have to ask to pick up our kids?" He doesn't get a response right away instead they both stay silent. The only sound coming from the tv. It feels like hours pass before Harry speaks. "I'll go pick up the kids." Is all he says before turning the volume up. 

He does they come home and eat dinner before Shane's game. Harry takes Shane early and Louis left with Macy and Grayson. He gets them ready and they goto the game. They sit next to Harry and pretend for the kids that everything is alright when it's not. Shane's team wins 5-0. After the game they go out to celebrate with ice cream. They all get home shower and the kids end up passing out on the couches downstairs. Louis decides to leave them there and goes up to his room and lays in his bed. After an hour or so Harry walks in and the shower turns on. Louis closes his eyes and tries his hardest not to cry. Harry walks out and the bed dips but he stays on his side. Louis didn't fall asleep right away because he was afraid he would cry and Harry would hear and he didn't want that. Not once did they cuddle not once did Harry run his hands through Louis's hair like he used to. Not once did he kiss him on his neck. Not once did he do the things he used to do. 

They both finally fell asleep on their sides of the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapters.  
> Hope you all are liking it. Don't forget to leave comments and give kudos. Thanks loves.

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He wakes up with a massive headache. His eyes flutter open and the first thing he sees is a picture of them and the kids. It was the last picture they took in London before they moved to California. They're all smiles and Harrys looking at Louis like he holds the world.  
Louis gets up and gets in the shower he lets the hot water burn his skin but it doesn't hurt. He's numb at least he thinks he is. He get out and dresses. He goes downstairs to find a note in the kitchen saying he took the kids to visit him mum and sister for the day and would be back this evening.  
It suddenly makes him miss home it makes him miss his family. He doesn't call cause he knows how late it is. He leave a text saying how much he misses them and how much he loves them and he'll visit soon.He grabs a bottle from the cabinet he doesn't bother getting a glass. He lazily walks up stairs and gets back into bed. He takes a swig and feels the burning sensation go down his throat. He doesn't mind it in fact he enjoys it. Swig after swig tears fall down his face. He rest his head on the headboard. His eyes flutter close but he takes another gulp from the bottle.

He remembers the first time they met. 

It was early summer. It was warm out and he just got out of school and was headed down to the local bakery to pick up some pastries for his sisters. He walked into the shop and the bell above him rang. The smell of pastries filled the air and he couldn't help but smile. He walks further into the shop when he bumps into someone. "Oops..... I'm so sorry mate..I didn't..." His breath hitches a little when this big mop of curls with green eyes the color of the trees during spring time smiles up at him. "Hi.... I'm sorry it was my fault should have been paying attention." The boy says. "Harry come back here I need your help." I short women yells from the back. "Well I gotta go see you around yeah." Harry says walking towards the back. Louis just miss his head unable to speak and that would be the first and not the last time that he left him speechless. Louis came into the shop almost everyday after that. Harry would always ring him up and ask him how his day was. Louis later found out that him and Harry went to the same school. It sucked though because Louis would be going off to university soon. That didn't stop him though. He asked him out well not out but to hang out. They went to this 50's diner and had burgers and he got Harry addicted to dipping his French fries into his milkshake. After that everything else just kind of fell into place you know? 

It just kinda happened. 

Louis shakes his head at the memories. 

He got up his head kind of spinning. He walked downstairs careful not to trip. He grabs another bottle and heads back upstairs. He drinks till he falls asleep. He wakes up to the sound of boots scuffing across the hardwood floor.  
"Do ya gotta be so bloody loud? Fuck so fucking loud" he murmurs. "Well don't drink 2 full bottles of rum and maybe you wouldn't have a headache and be grumpy." Harry retorts picking up Louis bottle. "Harry I'm fine don't need you pickin up after me." Louis slurs as he sits up in bed. "No your not lay back down I'll get you some water and medicine." Harry says as he grabs a plate from the bedside table. "Don't need you fucking help Harry I got it on my own." Louis yells. "Keep your voice down the kids are still up." Harry whispers through gritted teeth. "Don't tell me what to do." Louis bites back. "Well you're acting like a child so I'm going to treat you like a child." Harry spits back. "Why do you care you haven't been around so why do you care? Why?" Louis ask as his hands cover his head. He wanted the pounding to stop he wanted the yelling to stop. "Louis don't." Harry warns. "Louis don't what Louis hasn't been doing anything no Louis has.He's been lying and acting and..." "Louis shut up just shut up okay you don't know shit so shut up." Harry shouts. Harrys breathing heavy and he's shaking. Louis almost laughs. "Your right I don't I know nothing." Louis whispers as his head falls into his hands. 

Harry walks out of the room and louis cries.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four is up I actually really like this chapter. Exciting things are coming so don't worry. 
> 
> Also a huge thanks to everyone who's reading this. Shout out to my friend Kezz who told me to write this and keep going. Jasmine for telling me that I give her multiple heart attacks a day sorry not sorry. 
> 
> Anyways hope you all enjoy don't forget to follow me on Twitter @louisfluffybum 
> 
> Happy reading loves xoxo

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It's been 4 months since the fight 4 months of not talking to each other at all. 4 months of lying to the kids that everything is alright and hoping that they believe it. It's been 4 months of Louis lying to himself and hoping that he believes it himself. Harry comes on the weekends and 3 days out of the week if they're lucky. Hes tried numbing his feelings he tries not to feel anything he brings is work home with him is the best way to describe it. He acts he acts like everything is alright but it's not. 

It's Saturday morning and he can here the kids laughing down stairs. He remembers when they use to live in London and it was just them Shane and Grayson. They would wake up so early and turn on cartoons and play with their toys and pretend that the floor was lava and jump around on the sofas. They would also pretend to be superheroes sometimes. Him and Harry would just lay in the bed curled into each other and lazily laugh at the boys and the stuff they would come up with sometimes. One morning playing superheroes got a little out of hand and and Gray fell off the couch and hit his head on the coffee table. They spent the whole morning in the Hospital he got 12 stitches. He took it like a champ though but Shane felt so bad. For weeks he would kiss the ground Grayson walked on. Grayson has a small scar on his head and will use that just to mess with Shane. Shane's still feels bad. A tiny tear slipped from Louis eye. He quickly whips it away. He decides that he needs a day to himself so he gets dressed in some black skinnies black V-neck and black vans he grabs his Jean jacket and leaves his hair down. He walks downstairs he sees them all in the living room. He grabs his keys and walks into the living room. "Hey guys I'm gonna go run a few errands and stuff I'll be back later." He says messing with Shane's hair. Macy runs up to him and grabs his legs. "Can I come with?" She ask with the biggest puppy eyes. He picks her up."Not this time princess maybe next time okay."he says to her she just nods her head. She nuzzles her head into his neck."Daddy your coming back right?" His heart breaks and he can feel the tears welling in his eyes. He immediately looks at Harry who's staring right back at him. "Yeah of course princess. Couldn't leave you not ever." He say kissing her head. He puts her down. He says his goodbyes and "I love you." They say it back well the kids do. He gets in the car and drives and honestly he has no idea were he's going he just drives. He doesn't realize that he been driving all day he drove 4 towns over and now he's hungry. He stops at the nearest in n out burger. He remember the first time he ate here. It was with Harry in one of the visits to California to check out places for his bakery. Harry almost puked when he saw the burgers and all the grease and the fries. Louis couldn't help but laugh the whole time at the faces Harry kept making when Louis would keep eating. The memory soon fades when the cashier says next. He orders his usual once he gets his food. He sits down and 3 bites in he realizes he's not even hungry. He picks up his tray and throws the food away and begins his journey back home. He keeps remembering all the things that use to be and how happy he was and how everything was perfect even on the bad days. He remembers when him and Harry were still dating it had to have been about 8 months that they were together. They were laying in Louis bed and it was really sunny outside. Harry had his head on Louis lap and they were watching the cooking channel and well Louis wasn't paying attention to the show but to Harry. He remembers how golden Harrys curls looked when the sun would hit his hair. How green his eyes were and his smile his smile was so perfect. He would look down at him and he would just know that this was his forever this is perfect and he wouldn't have it any other way. He still wouldn't have it another way till this day. No matter what's happening between them he know that Harry is it for him always will be and have been since the day he meet him. He getting close to his house and his stomach starts to churn because he knows that once he enters his front door he want be greeted by a smiling Harry. He want be bombarded with kisses and a hug from behind and some corny joke that the kids had taught him. Instead he'll walk into silence. He'll walk past harry who's laying on the couch or in the kitchen Louis will walk upstairs and go lay down and hope he doesn't cry in his sleep that night. He pulls into his drive way and sits in his car for a little. It's dark out and the only light coming from the room is from a tv. He gets out of the car and walks into his house. When he gets into the living room the tv is on but nobody is watching it. He goes upstairs and checks on the kids who are all sound asleep. He goes into his room and the bathroom light is on and the door is open which means Harry is in there he stands in his room debating if he should walk in there. He does and he wishes he hadn't. Harry has a nose bleed and there's a clump of hair on the floor and bottles of medicine on the sink area. He thinks he says something but he doesn't it just comes out as a mumble. "It's just a nose bleed Louis and I was cleaning my brush out." Harry says quickly while pinching his nose. Louis also thinks he says what's with all the pills but he doesn't. It comes out as a mumble again. Harry reads his mind like always. "For my back and a bunch of healthy vitamins and sleep medicine cause I haven't been sleeping lately." Is all Harry says Louis just nods his head. He walks back out and let's out a breath he didn't realize he was holding he lets out a sigh of relief cause he thought something bad was happening. Little did he know though. He ended up just throwing all of his cloths on the floor while leaving his boxers on. He falls asleep a little easier for some reason tonight. 

He wakes up and it's Sunday he gets up early for some reason. He goes downstairs to see Harry in the kitchen cooking he decides to join him and start a conversation. "Morning." Louis says with a chirpy voice. "Morning Lou." Harrys says with a smile. That smile that made Louis heart flutter and butterflies erupt in his stomach. Louis sits on the counter having small talk here and there and Harry slapping his hand away when he would steal food. About 15 minutes later breakfast is ready and the kids are walking downstairs. They all sit around the table eating and cracking jokes and making memories. But that's short lived when Harry has an announcement to make. "So guys I've got to go out of town for a week and a half." Louis flinches a little. The kids start asking a million questions about where he's going and if they will get anything. Harry chuckles and says yes. Apparently he's going up to San Fransisco for 3 days then spend the rest in New York. He apparently leaves on Tuesday. 

It's Tuesday and Harry leaves for his trip. The kids hug him and beg him not to leave. But he promises to return and be back with some cool stuff. 

He does he comes back a week and 4 days later. With lots of cool things for the kids.

Harrys been going on lots of these trips but he is home more I guess you could say. 

They are on speaking terms now. 

Which he guesses is good but it's still doesn't excuse Harry for all that is happening. He almost forgets all the bad things but he doesn't he can't.


	5. Chapter 5

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Everything has been going good for them. Harry and Louis are on speaking terms and the kids are starting to forget that Harry would leave all the time. His business trips don't last as long anymore. Louis doesn't cry as much and he's starting to sleep easier now. Shane's been doing really well in baseball lately. They go to ever game. All of them. Harry still sleeps on the couch or in the spare bedroom. They still don't kiss or hug they don't even say I love you anymore. Louis doesn't really mind though because they are talking and that's better than nothing. 

Harry takes the kids to school that morning because Louis had a late class today. He loves his students he loves teaching theater. They have a play coming up Peter Pan they start additions in less then 2 months but there is still a lot to do. He loves putting on plays and being driven mad to the point where he feels like he can't do it anymore. He loves it all though he lives every single thing about it. Just like Harry. Louis ends class a little early and decided to stop by the bakery to see Harry. He pulls up to the shop he walks inside and he see Harry talkin to a customer. Harry looks up and smiles at him. "Hey Hazza." Louis says with the biggest smile on his face. Harry smiles back at him and it's almost like everything is finally alright in the world.  
They talk for awhile until there is s line starting to form behind Louis. They say there goodbyes and Louis walks off when."Hey Lou hold on." Louis turns around and Harrys coming from behind the counter and walking up to him. "You alright love?" Louis ask. Harry doesn't say anything he just kisses him. Louis almost doesn't kiss back but he does and it's like every mystery to the universe has been solved and everything fits together so perfectly. Like the starts in the sky. He needs this so bad he's needed this for so long. He's missed the way Harrys lips would feel on his and the way it felt to kiss him he misses it. Harry pulls back and Louis lets out s slight whimper. "I'll see you at home yeah." Harry whispers all Louis can do is nod his head. Harry walks back the the counter. Louis left in a daze for a bit. He goes to pick the kids up from school and he can't  
help but to smile for the rest of the day. 

He helps the kids with their homework. Harry walks in around 5 with two boxes of pizza. He places it down on the table and hands start grabbing pizza. Louis steps back an Harry walks over to him. "Hi." Harry says placing a hand in Louis hip. "Hi." Louis says back leaning into his touch. Harry hugs him and nuzzles his head into Louis shoulder. "I'm sorry Lou." Harry whispers. Louis can fill Harrys tears hit his skin and they feel like bullets. "It's okay let's just do this later yeah." He says into his hair. Harry nods his head and let's go of Louis. Louis can see the pain in his eyes. It's not okay but it has to be. 

Later that night they get the kids ready for bed. They walk into their bedroom Louis sits down on the bed. Harry sits next to him. "I'm sorry Lou I am it's just there is something's going on that I'm not ready to tell you right now and I just need you to know that I still love you. I've never stopped okay I just it's hard right now." Harrys crying and Louis feels like he just got punched in the face. They're married they're best friends. They're supposed to tell each other everything and it's not supposed to be like this. Louis wants to get mad at Harry. "I understand it's just hard you know cause you've became so distant and you want even sleep in the same bed with me or kiss me and your there for the kids and you just go on a lot trips and it makes me think..." "Lou id never cheat on you not ever I couldn't do it." Harry says he holds Louis face in his hands and he kisses his lips. "I just need you to give me sometime and it will all make sense soon I promise." Louis looks up at Harry."promise" He whispers "promise." Harry whispers back. 

That night they fall asleep in the same bed and Harry holds Louis in his arms. Louis holds on tight cause he doesn't want to let him go he won't let him go. 

Louis wakes up at 2 in the morning warped in Harrys arms. He cries he tries not to but he does cause it hurts. It hurts like being burnt for the first time or breaking a bone or downing a bottle of vodka straight. It hurts so bad and he can't help it because him being wrapped in Harrys arms is supposed to fix this but it doesn't. He knows this isn't going to make it better but he has to pretend that is cause this right here is all he's got he's got to hold onto this. He falls asleep sobbing and Harry wakes up to it. Harry just lays there with Lou wrapped in his arms all he can do is hold him because he knows how Lou is about crying and he knows that he's crying because of him. He laying in his thoughts and guilt washes over him like water does when you drown. He knows he has to tell him but he can't not yet he just needs time. He finally falls asleep again. 

They wake up wrapped in each others arms. Like their lives depend on it. 

"Morning." Harry whispers into Louis hair. Louis groans at the headache he has. He nuzzles his head into Harrys neck an hugs him tighter. "Shhh Hazz go back to sleep." He grumbles. "We have to get up babe we gotta take the kids to school and go to work." Harry says trying to get Louis to move so he can get up. "Don't wanna. Just wanna sleep." He mumbles back. "Well someone has to be responsible so let me get up and I'll come back when I drop the kids off." Harry says trying to negotiate. "No you can't leave either." Louis says with a giggle. "Your acting like a child Lou come on I'll be back promise." Harry says rubbing Louis back. "Promise." Louis mumbles. "Yes I'll come back lay in bed with you then drag you out of bed so you can get to work on time." Harry says. "Okay but be quick I wanna cuddle you some more." Louis says letting Harry go. Harry gets up and kisses Lou on the head. 

Harry quickly gets dressed and makes sure the kids are ready to go. He comes back like promised. He sees it only 8 when he gets back and Lou's class isn't till 10 so he has time.He walks back to their bedroom and sees Lou still laying there all curled up under the covers. He can't help but smile at him. He takes his shoes off and crawls back into bed with him. "You took to long." Louis says looking at him with a pout. Harry can't help but giggle and Lou. "No I didn't you just missed me to much." Harry says kissing Lou's cheek. "Yeah missed you a lot." Lou says. Harry keeps kissing him all over his face.Harry stops and Louis looks up to see Harry smiling at him. "Wanna kiss you Lou." Harrys says as his smile drops and his eyes become focused. "Yeah." Lou says. "Wait let me go brush my teeth first." Louis says covering Harrys mouth. Louis tries to get out of bed but is pulled back by Harry. "Really gonna ruin the moment cause you didn't brush your teeth." Harrys says with a confused look on his face. "Yeah I am cause it's gross. I'm not kissing you with this morning breath not this time." Louis said. "I've eaten you out before and your worried about morning breath." Harrys says pulling him down back on the bed. "Harry!" Louis squeals. Harry gets on-top of Louis and pins his hands above his head. "Not kissing you." Louis says cause he can see this is going to turn into a game and he's not losing not this time. Louis presses his lips into a thin line and shakes his head. He's all to familiar with this game. "Come on Louis please." Harrys says with a pout that almost makes him give in but he doesn't. Harry leans down and "Come on Louis you know your gonna lose just one kiss." He says into his ear. It sends chills down Louis's spine. Harry drags his lips down Louis neck. "Come on Lou just one." He says as he bites on his neck making sure to leave a mark. Louis moans but doesn't open his mouth. Harry gets to Louis collar bone he lets his lips hover over that one spot that drives Lou crazy. He licks his lips making sure that his tongue darts out a little. He kisses the spot and let's his teeth graze over it. He can feel Lou squirm under neath him. He drags his teeth down to his right nipple but he doesn't touch it not once. "Your not gonna let me win this are you." Harry says looking up at him. Louis just shakes his head. Harrys takes both of Louis hand into his one and let's his other hand run along Louis side. "You know Louis I don't think I like the boxers your wearing." He says letting his hand run across the hem of his boxers. "But isn't it a shame though these are your favorite and it would be a shame if they just ripped wouldn't it." Harry says pulling at the thin material. Harry hovers back over Louis face. His lips barely over Louis. His hand is still dangerously close to Louis hard. Harry grinds his hips down on Louis. Louis back arches involuntary and he whimpers. Harrys hand pulls Louis boxers down so that his cockis out. Harry know Lou like the friction of his bare cock against Harrys jeans. Louis keeps squirming underneath him. "Come on babe stop moving." Harrys says into Louis ear as Harrys hand hold Lou's hip down. Harry grinds against him over and over. He can see that Louis is so close to coming just like this. He grinds down one last time nice and slow as he kisses Louis neck and that does it for Lou he lost. "Fuck Harry stop I'm gonna....if you don't...." Harry cuts him off and kisses him hard. Like he's need this for a long time like this is what he needs to live. He bite Louis bottom lips and he whimpers even more. Harry slides his tongue into Lou's mouth. Harry pulls back and grins at Louis who's a mess underneath him. "See all I wanted was a kiss." Louis realizes that look in his eye. "No... Harry no that's not fair." Louis says with pout. Harry gets off of Louis and rolls onto his back. "Show me how bad you want it." Harry says looking over at Louis. Louis straddles Harrys waist. Louis slowly unbutton Harrys top he sits up so Lou can slide it down his arms. He wraps his arms around Harrys neck and pulls him closer. "I missed you." He barely whispers like its the worlds biggest secret. Harry kisses Louis and pulls his body closer. Louis hands find their way to his hair and he pulls at it getting a moan from him. Louis rocks his hips agains Harrys lap. "Please Harry I need you." Louis whimpers. Louis reaches down and undoes Harry's pants and pulls everything down. He gets back ontop of Harrys lap and kisses him again on the lips. Harry reaches over to get the lube out of the drawer. He slicks his finger and reaches down he slips one finger in and Louis whimpers he lets his head fall onto Harrys shoulder. "Fuck Lou so tight." Harry grunts. He slips another in and slowly opens Louis up. Louis begins to bounce on Harry finger. "Hazz want you inside me now please." He whimpers he bites louis shoulder as Harry opens him up. "I know but your so fuckin tight gotta open you up yeah." Harry slides a third finger in there. Louis cries out as Harrys finger slowly go in and out of him. "You ready?" Harry ask. Louis just nods his head. Louis takes the lube and puts some on his hand he gives Harry a few quick strokes before Harry slowly enters Louis. Fuck escapes Lou's mouth to many times to count. Harrys all the way inside of him. "Fuck Lou so tight move when your ready." Louis looks at Harry and kisses his lip he leans his forehead onto Harrys. Louis slowly moves his hips up and down. Harrys hands dig into his side and Louis can't help but have his fingers drag down Harrys back.  
Moans fill the air. They're so gone nothing else in the world matters. Louis hips are still bouncing up and down and Harry pulls him even closer if that's possible. Harrys hand finds Louis cock and he starts to stroke it. "Louis I want you to cum for me." Harry mummers. "I want you all over me." He says kissing his neck. "Fuck Harry so close I'm so...." Louis screams and releases in to Harrys hand and that sends Harry cuming seconds later. They're breaths are heavy but Harry still can't get enough of him. He holds his face in his hands and kisses him. "Harry gotta get ready for work." He says in between kisses. "Yeah let's get in the shower." Harry says Louis get off of his lap and walks into the shower with Harry following right behind him. They both quickly shower. "Hey I'm going to go and make your lunch okay." Harry says as Louis is getting dressed he just nods. 20 minutes later he heads downstairs and Harry is putting Louis lunch in a brown bag. "Thanks Harry." Louis says grabbing it. He kisses Harrys cheek and grabs his keys and heads for the door. "Hey Lou." "Yeah." He says turning around. "I love you." Harry says. Louis doesn't say anything he just smiled so big and he feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. He hasn't heard those words in so long it feels like the first time he's ever said it. "I love you too Harry." He says still smiling. 

He walks out the door and heads to a class that he'll be late for but it doesn't matter because the love of his life just said he loved him. Not just cause he said it but because he thought he stopped loving him. He didn't though and that's enough to almost fix everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven't forgotten about this book lol. I hope you guys liked this chapter cause honestly I wasn't even gonna put it in here but I need them to be happy before hell breaks lose. Anyway don't forget to like comment and tell your friends about this book. Love you guys


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it im is guys enjoy. Don't forget to comment and give kudos and tell your friends. Love ya

Since that morning everything has gone back to normal. Kinda Harry still goes out of town a lot but he's still here at the same time.   
"Morning love." Louis says rubbing his eyes. "Morning Lou." Harrys say with a smile. Louis kisses his nose before getting out of bed to go get ready. He's brushing his teeth when Harry walks in. Harry wraps his arm around Louis tiny waist and kisses his shoulder. "I'm sorry." He whispers into Louis skin. "You don't have to keep saying that." He says as he rinses his mouth out. "I know it's just..."   
"Harry it was just a rough patch and you needed space but things are better now so we just have to move forward. Whatever you went through or are still going through we can talk about it when your ready. Just stop apologizing okay it's fine." Louis says trying to get past the conversation that they have almost everyday. "But it's not Lou not when you cried yourself to sleep almost every night an not when you would wake up in the middle of the night crying. Not when you drank yourself to try and forget and not when you would go run errands for hours and come back with nothing in your hands. It's not okay and I'll spend forever making it up to you because you didn't and don't deserve what I put you through and you can say it's okay but it's not it won't ever be but I'll make it up everyday for the rest of my life. I promise." Harry says. Tears brim both of their eyes and all Louis can do is turn and cry into Harrys chest because he's right none of it was okay it's not okay. He finally stops and wipes his tears. "I love Harry and that will never change and I promise you that." Louis says. "I love you too." Harry whispered back right before their lips collide and everything seems to disappears. They pull apart to be interrupted by a glass breaking and shouts of I didn't do it and it's your fault. Louis grabs a shirt and they both head downstairs. 

Harry sees it first and almost has a heart attack. "The China it's... is it all broken... Lou that's all the China broken and." Harry says in broken sentences. Louis wants to laugh but he doesn't. "Nether of you move or you'll cut yourselves and where is Macy?" Louis says. "Right here Daddy." Macy says coming in between him and Harry's legs. "Hey princess." He says picking her up. "So do you know who did it." Louis ask looking at Macy. She just giggles and shakes her head. "Macy tell Dad that Grayson did it." Shane says pointing at Grayson. "No you liar it was all your fault." Gray main points back. "You did it." Shane shouts. Mixtures of "yeah you did and no I didn't" Fill the room.  
"Daddy is Papa okay?" Macy whispers into Louis ear. "Harry you alright love?" Louis ask with amusement in his voice. "They broke all of the China. How did they managed to break all of it I mean there was so much and they..." He starts rambling. "He's just upset princess."   
"Come on Macy lets go get ice cream and leave these weirdos here yah." Louis whispers. They manage to sneak out of the house and all the way to the ice cream shop. They pull up and Macy's already at the door before Louis is outta the car. "Can I get strawberry ice cream please." Macy ask the women behind the counter. The lady nods her head. "Can I get cookie dough." They both get there ice creams and Louis pays. Macy picks a spot right next to the window. "So Daddy did you know sea world is a bad place?"   
She says licking her ice cream. "Who told you that?" Louis ask. "My teacher Daddy keep up. She said that the parking lot is bigger than were the whales swim like that's crazy." She keeps rambling but all Louis can think is that his 6 year old is so smart and she gonna grow up and be just like Harry. He just laughs and smiles at all the crazy things she says. They finish up and drive back home. 

He halfs expects to walking to what he left but he doesn't. It's silent to silent. They slowly walk towards the kitchen to see the boys sitting at the table with pencils and paper. Harry sweeping up the floor for probably the 20th time just to make sure there is no glass on the floor. "Hey guys." Macy says breaking the silence. Harrys looks up and smiles at Macy but gives the looks to Louis. Macy takes that as her cue to leave. Louis walks over to the boys. "We have to write a letter to Nana to tell her we broke the China and that we're sorry." Shane says with a look of terror. "He lectured us for a really long time Dad." Grayson adds. Louis just rolls his eyes because this is so Harry. "Hurry up and finish and get outta here alright." Louis says he shakes his head and laughs. He walks upstairs to avoid Harrys "silent treatment" he gets halfway to his bedroom when he hears a scream. "Dad. Dad something's wrong with Papa." Grayson shouts. His heart stops he runs downstairs everything around him kind of stops when he sees Harry laying on the floor unconscious. He quickly runs over and starts shaking him. "Harry , Harry get up love. Come on get up." He grabs the phone and calls 911. "I need and ambulance something's wrong with my husband he's not breathing..... Just hurry please." He says tears fill his eyes. He turns to see his kids looking at him. He walks over to Shane. "Shane I need you to be strong okay I need you to take my phone and take Macy and Grayson with you. Go in our bedroom and shut the door and call Nana and tell her to come get you guys okay." He says griping Shane's shoulder. "But what about.." Shane starts. "Just please go upstairs everything is going to be fine okay just please go upstairs." He whispers more to himself thats it's going to be okay. He walks back over to Harrys and sits down next to him. He runs his fingers through Harrys hair. "Hazza you have to wake up okay so we can go have that little fight about me taking Macy to go get ice cream okay. You have to wake up to I can cuddle you even though your gonna be all grumpy. You have to wake up so the kids can wake us up in bed tomorrow for Sunday breakfast okay. You have to cook Sunday breakfast like you always do okay. Just wake up Harry please." He starts sobbing and clenches Harrys hand. The paramedics rush in taking his shirt off and checking everything they get the gurney and take him out to the ambulance. They tell me the hospital and I wait for Anne to get here so I can get to him. I stay there in the floor crying. I hear Anne walk in and I get up rushing to her. "I need you to pack some bags for the kids and take them to your house." I try to speak but it keeps coming out in broken sobs. "Louis he's gonna be fine it just the new...." She quickly stops talking. "The new what Anne what do you mean?" Louis ask shaking his head. "It's not my place to tell you Louis." Anne says looking at her hands. "Tell me what what's wrong with him? Anne tell me please." He looks at her with pleading eyes."Just let him talk to you okay. It's gonna be fine." She says pulling him into a hug. He pulls away and gets in the car and rushes to the hospital. 

He drives as fast as he can he finally gets there. He walks up to the front desk. "Harry Tomlinson I need to see him." He says tapping his keys on the desk. "Right Mr. Tomlinson your husband is in room 28." She says with a smile. He wants to yell at her but he doesn't he just quickly walks to room 28. Harrys sitting at the edge of the bed and a bunch of doctors are talking to him. "We told you to take it easy." One says. "This could have been a lot worse with all the new medication your taking." The other one says. "You should tell him Harry it's getting dangerous now."   
"Tell me what?" His voice cracks a little but he tries not to let it affect him. All heads turn toward him. The doctors all look at each other and then him. "Well Mr. Tomlinson your husband fainted and hit his head on the counter witch led him to black out. He will have a headache for awhile and he's lucky he didn't get a concussion. Just make sure he drinks lots of water and gets lots of rest. He's gonna need it." One doctor with red hair says. "Okay but what do you mean? Can he come home?" Louis ask looking for Harrys eyes to give him answers. "Yes he can go home. I'll go get started on the paperwork and he will be able to check out soon." The doctor says again. They all walk out and It's just Harry and Him. Harrys holding an ice pack to his head and not meeting Louis eyes. "Talk about it when we get home." Harry says like Louis did something wrong. "Why?" Louis challenges. "Cause I'm not having this conversation here that's why." Harry bites back. Louis just rolls his eyes and doesn't bother fighting back. "I'll be in the waiting room." He says walking away. He sits down and starts shaking his leg he watches as all the people flood in and out of the room. He sees people crying and celebration. He laughs and walks outside. He gets a cigarette and lights it up he blows the smoke out and watches it fade. Harry finally comes out with papers in his hand and he turns to Louis. "Don't." Is all Louis says. He drops the cigarette to the ground and steps on it putting it out. He walks to the car with Harry right behind. They get in and the ride home is silent. They reach the house no words have been spoken yet. Louis heads straight to the kitchen to grab a bottle he grabs a cup and pours it almost all the way to the top. He takes a gulp and slams it down on the counter. "Lou don't drink please." Harry whispers. He just takes another sip. "Don't want to hear it just tell me what's wrong with you." Louis says turning to face Harry. "Look I didn't want to tell you cause I thought I would be better by now and I didn't think what happened today would have happened." Harry says. Louis takes another sip this time from the bottle. "Say it already Harry. Say it cause I swear to you I can't take this anymore. The past month or two haven't made up for what's been happing for the past six months. Your still gone all the time." Louis says tears burning his eyes. Harry just shakes his head. "I know and I'm sorry it just...." "Your what Harry? Your sorry your sorry. I had to lie to the kids for months because I didn't know where you were. I had to lie to myself." He takes another swig from the bottle. "Do you know how it feels when your kids ask when Papas coming home and you can't even answer the fucking question because you don't know yourself. I cried myself to sleep for nights Harry....." Louis gets cut off. "Fuck you Louis you don't think I know that for fuck sake I've heard you cry in your sleep. I know the kids missed me you don't think I know that. You don't think I wanna be here all the time. I do I want to so bad but I can't." Harry yells. "Then why aren't you." Louis yells back. "Because I'm dying." Harry yells as tears stream down his face. Louis can't move he just stares at him. His whole world just fell apart three seconds ago with three simple words. Harrys dying. Louis shakes his head. He shakes his head cause Harry is lying."No you aren't. You're fine Harry. Tell me your fine. You're okay you just had a small accident today and you're fine. Tell me you're fine Harry tell me you are okay. Tell me." He yells. He watches Harry shake his head tears fall down his cheeks. "I'm sorry." Tumbles out of his mouth. Louis throws the bottle at the wall. "Stop saying that." Rage fills Louis he doesn't know why it just does. He grabs the glass he was drinking and throws it at the wall. "Fuck you Harry." He screams. "Louis listen please." Harry begs stepping closer Louis seps back. "How long?" Louis ask. "Six months." Harry says. "I have cancer and I've known for six months." Harry says again like he's been rehearsing it. "Why didn't you tell me?" Louis ask his words start to get taken over by sobs now. "Why Harry?"   
"Because I promised you forever and this isn't forever." Harry screams. "I promised you Louis and me having cancer and maybe dying isn't forever okay. I promised. I promised I would come to all of Shane's games and listen to every crazy story that Grayson comes up with and I would be there to walk Macy down the aisle. I made all of these promise and now." He can't finish because he starts crying to hard for words to form. Louis stands there with tears still streaming down his face. He doesn't move he's scared now. He's scared he might lose the only person he's ever loved and will love. He's scared because he doesn't want to do this on his own. He needs Harry like the sun needs the moon and the ocean needs the shore line. Like the air he needs to breath. He can't lose that.

He can't lose Harry.


End file.
